Today I Lost The Good Fight And Had To Say Goodbye

This morning at 6:45 am I lost my fight with cancer. The tumor that was in my liver would never go away despite how hard I fought and how desperately my human mom tried to find the miracle that would make it disappear forever. 

It was two years ago, in December that I first became ill. I was vomiting and losing weight and had developed a heart murmur. This led to the suspicions that it may be cancer. In July 2013 of that same year, I was diagnosed at Auburn University with the neuroendocrine tumor that was in 80% of my liver. Even back then, the vets didn't expect me to be around long. 

They didn't know how tough I was!

After going through two rounds of different chemo drugs, we stopped them last February 2014 when I got extremely ill. I stopped eating and got a really bad cold which caused ulcers in both eyes that were very painful. Mom thought that was it for me, but she prayed and prayed that I would get better. She had to syringe feed me for over a month because I wasn't eating on my own at all and she was afraid that she was going to have to make that decision that no pet mom or dad wants to make.

But I miraculously got better because I am tough!

After I bounced back from that and I started eating on my own again, my human mom decided find a vet that does acupuncture and Chinese herbs. It was a 45 minute to an hour drive, but mom thought it would be worth it.

And it was! I am tough!

My quality of life for the past year, doing acupuncture at least once a month was pretty good. I had to take all my meds and got nauseous sometimes, but other than that, I was doing the same things as the other cats in my household (eating, sleeping,  hanging out) AND I was still Alpha cat to the end!

This is me begging to go outside. That was my cute, pleading look! Worked almost every time!!

Things were going alright until this November when I started having severe pains and was diagnosed with pancreatitist. I was put on steroids, which helped that issue, but caused my immune system to be depressed which isn't good for cancer.


Then a week and a half ago, while mom was out of town, the pet sitter found me unresponsive on the bathroom floor. The vet suggested euthanizing at that time, but mom said no since she was out of town and I had done this before just not in the bathroom, usually by the litter box. She told them to make sure I was out of pain and comfortable, but she really didn't think I was going to make it through the night that night.

But I did! Cause I'm tough!

The vet kept me for four days then mom picked me up and took me home. That was last Thursday. My paw was swollen from the IV and got infected.

That was bad.

On Sunday, mom had to take me to the emergency vet to get my paw lanced and get antibiotics. I had stopped eating and was pretty much just laying around all the time and having trouble going to the litter box.

I am tough, but my body just had too much the past two years! The tumor had taken its toll.

Last night mom fed me and gave me my meds and fluids. I was settled in my carrier at first so mom just carried me in it to the bedroom to not disturb me. Mom got up to check on me as usual and found me lying in my litter box around 3 am.  She picked me up and took me to bed with her.  She noticed I was sort of limp and letting her hold and cuddle me way longer than I normally do. I wouldn't stay in the bed at first.

Then I started having trouble breathing.

As she got ready to take me to the vet, I was getting worse. On the way to the vet I started having seizures. The 15 minute drive to the emergency vet was the most terrible thing!

When we got there mom tried to fill out the paper work as I was seizing. They took me back to put the IV in and mom heard me crying out and tried to come in the surgery room to rescue me, but they made her leave.

She was very, very upset.

Finally, they gave up trying to put the IV in and brought me back out to mom. They gave me a sedative which settled me down and mom held me in her arms.

At first she couldn't let them give me the drug that would take me away from her forever. The vet left the room so she and I could be together by ourselves as we had been so many, many times in the wee hours of the night/morning at home or on our way to the emergency vets. 

Mom held me, looked at my face that she loved so much because she knew this was the last time she would ever get to hold me, pet me, look at me. 

She said goodbye. and said she was sorry. I know she tried everything and loved me dearly. I have never felt so loved. That's why I fought so hard to stay cause I know how much she loved me and wanted me with her and I want to make her happy.

I gasped one big breath, but it was sooo hard. Then a few minutes later another big breath. Mom thought that was my last one and then the vet was back in the room. Mom told the vet she thought I might be gone, but the vet could still hear my heart beating faintly.

Then mom gave the go ahead to let me go. I felt so bad leaving mom crying over me like that but suddenly there was no more pain. 

I was free! 

I know my mom will miss me and I know she loved me with all her heart.

I will wait patiently at the Rainbow Bridge for her until we meet again. I am with Precious and Amber and Boo and all my furry Facebook friends that I have gotten to know over the past two years who have gone before me over the Rainbow Bridge - Scottie the Rockstar kitty and Princess Cheese, Gabe the Kitty Cancer Warrior, Tuxedo Stan, Percent and so many more.

 I just wanted my mom and all my furfriends to know that I am pain free, running outside, listening to jazz and eating whatever I want! No more nausea, no more pain, no more meds needles and vet visits!

I am with you in spirit until we meet again. I hope you all enjoyed the pictures from the past two months. Sorry I haven't kept up with my blog, but sometimes you gotta be out there living life, not here posting about it. There's a time for everything and I used up all my 9 lives and then some!

Love and head bonks to you all!

Until we meet again,

   Phantom

March 2005 - February 26, 2015