Today I Lost The Good Fight And Had To Say Goodbye

This morning at 6:45 am I lost my fight with cancer. The tumor that was in my liver would never go away despite how hard I fought and how desperately my human mom tried to find the miracle that would make it disappear forever. 

It was two years ago, in December that I first became ill. I was vomiting and losing weight and had developed a heart murmur. This led to the suspicions that it may be cancer. In July 2013 of that same year, I was diagnosed at Auburn University with the neuroendocrine tumor that was in 80% of my liver. Even back then, the vets didn't expect me to be around long. 

They didn't know how tough I was!

After going through two rounds of different chemo drugs, we stopped them last February 2014 when I got extremely ill. I stopped eating and got a really bad cold which caused ulcers in both eyes that were very painful. Mom thought that was it for me, but she prayed and prayed that I would get better. She had to syringe feed me for over a month because I wasn't eating on my own at all and she was afraid that she was going to have to make that decision that no pet mom or dad wants to make.

But I miraculously got better because I am tough!

After I bounced back from that and I started eating on my own again, my human mom decided find a vet that does acupuncture and Chinese herbs. It was a 45 minute to an hour drive, but mom thought it would be worth it.

And it was! I am tough!

My quality of life for the past year, doing acupuncture at least once a month was pretty good. I had to take all my meds and got nauseous sometimes, but other than that, I was doing the same things as the other cats in my household (eating, sleeping,  hanging out) AND I was still Alpha cat to the end!

This is me begging to go outside. That was my cute, pleading look! Worked almost every time!!

Things were going alright until this November when I started having severe pains and was diagnosed with pancreatitist. I was put on steroids, which helped that issue, but caused my immune system to be depressed which isn't good for cancer.


Then a week and a half ago, while mom was out of town, the pet sitter found me unresponsive on the bathroom floor. The vet suggested euthanizing at that time, but mom said no since she was out of town and I had done this before just not in the bathroom, usually by the litter box. She told them to make sure I was out of pain and comfortable, but she really didn't think I was going to make it through the night that night.

But I did! Cause I'm tough!

The vet kept me for four days then mom picked me up and took me home. That was last Thursday. My paw was swollen from the IV and got infected.

That was bad.

On Sunday, mom had to take me to the emergency vet to get my paw lanced and get antibiotics. I had stopped eating and was pretty much just laying around all the time and having trouble going to the litter box.

I am tough, but my body just had too much the past two years! The tumor had taken its toll.

Last night mom fed me and gave me my meds and fluids. I was settled in my carrier at first so mom just carried me in it to the bedroom to not disturb me. Mom got up to check on me as usual and found me lying in my litter box around 3 am.  She picked me up and took me to bed with her.  She noticed I was sort of limp and letting her hold and cuddle me way longer than I normally do. I wouldn't stay in the bed at first.

Then I started having trouble breathing.

As she got ready to take me to the vet, I was getting worse. On the way to the vet I started having seizures. The 15 minute drive to the emergency vet was the most terrible thing!

When we got there mom tried to fill out the paper work as I was seizing. They took me back to put the IV in and mom heard me crying out and tried to come in the surgery room to rescue me, but they made her leave.

She was very, very upset.

Finally, they gave up trying to put the IV in and brought me back out to mom. They gave me a sedative which settled me down and mom held me in her arms.

At first she couldn't let them give me the drug that would take me away from her forever. The vet left the room so she and I could be together by ourselves as we had been so many, many times in the wee hours of the night/morning at home or on our way to the emergency vets. 

Mom held me, looked at my face that she loved so much because she knew this was the last time she would ever get to hold me, pet me, look at me. 

She said goodbye. and said she was sorry. I know she tried everything and loved me dearly. I have never felt so loved. That's why I fought so hard to stay cause I know how much she loved me and wanted me with her and I want to make her happy.

I gasped one big breath, but it was sooo hard. Then a few minutes later another big breath. Mom thought that was my last one and then the vet was back in the room. Mom told the vet she thought I might be gone, but the vet could still hear my heart beating faintly.

Then mom gave the go ahead to let me go. I felt so bad leaving mom crying over me like that but suddenly there was no more pain. 

I was free! 

I know my mom will miss me and I know she loved me with all her heart.

I will wait patiently at the Rainbow Bridge for her until we meet again. I am with Precious and Amber and Boo and all my furry Facebook friends that I have gotten to know over the past two years who have gone before me over the Rainbow Bridge - Scottie the Rockstar kitty and Princess Cheese, Gabe the Kitty Cancer Warrior, Tuxedo Stan, Percent and so many more.

 I just wanted my mom and all my furfriends to know that I am pain free, running outside, listening to jazz and eating whatever I want! No more nausea, no more pain, no more meds needles and vet visits!

I am with you in spirit until we meet again. I hope you all enjoyed the pictures from the past two months. Sorry I haven't kept up with my blog, but sometimes you gotta be out there living life, not here posting about it. There's a time for everything and I used up all my 9 lives and then some!

Love and head bonks to you all!

Until we meet again,

   Phantom

March 2005 - February 26, 2015

Neuroendocrine Tumor - What Will Stop It Forever?

It has been a long time since I last blogged. I have been busy. Things have been mostly good. I got to see my boy at Christmas and spend some time with him again. That was good! I even helped him open his presents, but they weren't any good. No mice or catnip!!

The past three months I have been on a different kind of chemo than Palladia. Since the end of October I have been on Chlorambucil. It has worked very well for almost three months. My calcium levels have been down and all my other numbers have been in the normal range.

Unfortunately, the chemo/Chlorambucil may have stopped working. It's too soon to say, but my calcium levels are creeping back up and I have lost two pounds. I am throwing up once on most days, usually in the early morning hours. It is a small, watery, yellow-green color throw up and we are not sure what that means. I haven't thrown up in four days now so mom is happy about that.

Yesterday she took me to Bluepearl Specialty clinic in Tampa for my three month check-up. I was not happy about being left at that place since I prefer staying at home and cat napping all day. I gave her a big stink eye when she took a picture of me at the clinic. It was scary when she left, but they are very nice at Bluepearl. Except the blood taking part. I don't like having blood taken from my neck and then smelling like alcohol for the rest of the day. Cadence thinks I smell funny when I get home too.

The initial blood test results were not good. We found out I had lost two pounds. We also found out that my liver is larger than last time and the tumor has gotten bigger. My calcium has gone from 10.3 to 11.3 which is the high side of normal.

Mom knew something was going on with my calcium levels because I am drinking more. Sometimes I will jump up on the bathroom counter and wait for someone to come in and turn the water on. Sometimes I will drink and sometimes I will not. The vet joked that I just wanted to run the water bill up.

 Yes! I hadn't even thought of that! That would totally make dad upset. In the past I would love doing that, but now I just don't feel well.

Today I have spent most of the day sunbathing on the lanai. It's nice outside and not cold anymore.

We are waiting to hear back from the vet regarding what to do about taking the chemo pills (Chlorambucil). I am still on the heart medicine - Atenelol, the diuretic -Lasix and the appetite stimulant-Cyproheptadine.

It is harder to get me to take the Vital pet lipids and Celloquent from Vitality Science with ES Clear added. I don't like the way it tastes. I run and hide under the bed when I see it coming in the syringe. When I'm caught and forced to take it, most of it flies out of my mouth.

Life Gold Cancer drops and milk thistle drops from Pet Wellbeing are added to my soft food in the morning and evening, but since I'm not eating much of it, I'm probably not taking in very much of the drops.

Three months.

Three months on Palladia.

Three months so far on Chlorambucil.

Nothing seems to stop this tumor for long.

Three months.

Now we need to find something else to do.

Hopefully, something that will last longer than three months.

It Has Been A While Cause I've Been On Vacay!

I haven't written a post in a while because it's been busy around here and also because mom hogs the computer most of the time. The past couple of weeks we've been in Birmingham, AL trying to sell our house there and then back home to Pensacola Beach and then to St. Pete Beach. I have to be taken with mom and dad because of all the medication and holistic stuff I'm on for my heart disease and liver cancer. Mom doesn't want to leave me, not even with a sitter.

The St. Pete trip wasn't really a vacation. Dad had a job interview and while we were there, mom took me to see a local holistic vet. Lucky for me, there was no time for acupuncture, although the vet said it would help me. She did give me a general check up and said my temperature (I won't even mention how this was taken!) was normal and my heart sounded good - no murmurs. She did some realignment down my spine to help open me up. I growled a warning to her especially when she got down to my tail.

Mom bought a new backpack carrier and halter for me so she could transport me better and take me outside with her. I didn't like the harness that much, but I tolerated it so I could go outside. Also, I really loved being an "only" cat because those other two furry imbeciles I live with didn't get to go with us. They wouldn't handle traveling as well as I do anyway. Dad always plays my favorite jazz for me on the road.  It took us 7 hours to get from Pensacola down to St. Pete. That's a lot of jazz!!

My new backpack carrier

Our view at lunch

This crate has gotten ALOT of use lately!

The view from our room. Mom even brought my cat bed for me to sleep in.

We are back home now. I started eating good again right before we left for St. Pete and not throwing up, so I'm back on Palladia. The holistic vet looked over everything I was taking and approved the krill oil stuff and the venus fly trap anti-inflammatory stuff. She like the milk thistle drops, but said I wasn't taking a strong enough version. I need 80% or up. She wasn't familiar with some of things in the Celloquent, but like the Co Q 10 and blue green algae and the wheat grass that was in the nu pet granular, although she said I didn't really need the nu pet granular, just the wheat grass.

She approved the Palladia and said we should follow through with the course until we go back to Auburn to see how the tumor in my liver is responding to it. I did start doing better after going on it in July.

She said to boil the ES-clear to get the alcohol out before I take it. She is also sending us some other medicinal herbs that will help me.

Tuesday I managed to spit one of the Palladia pills out because I hid it in my mouth and mom didn't see it. She got the blue pill down me, but Dad found the yellow/orange pill the next day out on the balcony where I had spit it out. Today she made sure I swallowed both pills because I've been sleeping more the past two days and she's worried the cancer is spreading.

I go back to Auburn University in October for a full round of tests to see what the cancer is doing and how my heart is doing and get blood work. For now I have good days and bad days. I am still eating a little, but not as good as I use to.

A Visit From My Boy

Saturday I wasn't feeling well. I laid around all day and didn't eat much. Mom was worried about me, but that all changed when my boy showed up. Cadence ran off scared when he saw the boy, but I recognized him immediately even though I don't get to see him much anymore. I felt better right away and may have even purred a little.

My boy is in his third year of college now and has Asperger's syndrome. So do I. It was something else we had in common. Other things we have in common are the boy use to follow mom around meowing loudly and pawing at her too. She didn't like this, especially when the boy was in high school  Mom bought a book once that said all cats have Asperger's. We read it every night after the boy was diagnosed.

The boy has his own apartment. Last summer he came home for a few weeks, but not this year. He hardly comes home at all anymore because he has a part time job now. I miss him!

He's been my boy for over eight years now. While he was here he slept in my room and I jumped on the bed and slept with him.  Just like old times. I didn't even mind him picking me up and holding me. I usually don't like to be held, but I made an exception for my boy.

I've got another big red krill oil stain on the side of my face. Mom is using a dropper now instead of a syringe. It works better until I turn my head suddenly, then it ends up all over me and all over the floor. I don't mind licking it off the floor. I don't like the dropper or the syringe. Mom's afraid to put it in my food because then I may not get the entire dose.

This is what I get every day because of the cancer.

1. In the morning I get organic soft food with Nu Pet Granular and a few drops of milk thistle sprinkled over it. Then I get 4 drops of Herbal anti-Inflammatory from Vitality Science mixed in cat milk.

2. Then every other day I get the Palladia pills. Mom doesn't like giving me these, but she's afraid not too. My calcium levels have gone down since taking them. Sometimes she skips and goes two days instead of every other day. On the days she doesn't give me the Palladia she gives me a few drops of Life Gold Cancer Drops from Pet Wellbeing.

3. In the afternoon I get Atenolol and Lasix for my heart. I had developed a heart murmur when all of this started so mom took me to a cardiologist who said I had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. My heart was enlarged and shaped like a valentine heart. Not good. When they finally took me to Auburn, I didn't have a murmur anymore and my heart wasn't enlarged after three months on the meds. I am still on the meds though.

4. In the evening I have another can of organic soft food (one can divided among three cats same as in the morning) sprinkled with Nu Pet Granular and a few drops of milk thistle.

5. Right before bed I get the krill oil and something called Celloquent both from Vitality Science. These are shot right in my mouth with a dropper because the syringe didn't work at all and I don't like either of these things in my soft food. Sometimes I have a little cat milk with a few drops of NHV ES Clear in it.

6. I have bowls of filtered or distilled water and Life's Abundance organic hard food set out for me at all times. I usually eat the hard food around 4 or 5 am. 

Friday I go back to the vet for the blood chemo panel. They will fax the results to Auburn. I hope my calcium is still normal. I am doing much better now than I was in June before I started the holistic meds and the Palladia.

Mom hopes the cancer goes away forever. So do I.